Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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