That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
