I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
