it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He did a backflip because drugs
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