im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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