she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
