forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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