why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
