I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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