That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
