In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
