i think my tv is drunk
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
