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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better

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• (206): View more from Washington

  All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.

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• (213): View more from California

  Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.

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• (949): View more from California

  the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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• (518): View more from New York

  i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?

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• (786): View more from Florida

  I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing

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