and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
