there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
