he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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