I showed him my bush... on skype.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
