I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
