i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
