I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
