Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
