Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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