Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
