Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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