I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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