So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
