I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
