omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
