All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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