I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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