PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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