It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
