Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
