We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
