last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
