fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please don't give away my fajitas
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