what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
