I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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