Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
