How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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