Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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