so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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