I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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