I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We had to coat check the pizza.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
