Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Success! We fucked roommates!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
