dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize