Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
