you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
