the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
