The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
