I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
