You're so nebulous sometimes
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Randomize
