fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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