No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
