hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
