I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize