I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im just a social blackout drinker.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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