Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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