We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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