mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
