are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
