So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
