Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
did you just send me my own nude
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
