Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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