imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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