Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
