where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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