He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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