No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
